The voyage hasn’t been an easy one, but honestly, who wants easy? That would be boring.
Let’s start with the names. Both SmittyC and NillaGorilla have their own lore.
Back when my knees worked better, I was in the Army. If your last name is Smith, you don’t get a say — you’re a Smitty. At my first duty station there was already a Smitty, and since he was bigger, he became Big Smitty. I ended up just Smitty. Later, another Smith showed up, and to stand out I bent the rules and claimed SmittyC. (Normally you don’t get to pick your own nickname, but I’ve never been much for “the rules.”)
NillaGorilla came from a different corner. Around 2008 there was a cereal commercial with a box called “Vanilla Gorilla.” A coworker once joked I was acting like it when I lost my cool at work. We laughed, and the name stuck.
In real life, I go by my actual name. But these two nicknames have followed me long enough that they’re part of the story. Now you know — and knowing, as they say, is half the battle.
More About Me
What, you want more? Fine.
I came into this world like most of you — against my will. Since then, I’ve been trying to figure out the world and the people in it. I frustrate some, because I’m opinionated, sarcastic, and carry a streak of dark humor. But I also stay open-minded and respectful. I think everyone deserves to have an opinion, even if most opinions are trash. If your goal is to fully understand me through a website, pack a lunch and expect to leave hungry.
I’ve lived a lot of different lives. My résumé looks less like a straight line and more like a kid with ADHD testing his limits. I didn’t come out of the gate knowing what I wanted to be. I stumbled, started over, and stumbled again until I found something “enough” to stick with. I’m only halfway through this journey, and I plan to share more as I go.
Do I ever wonder why I write at all? Absolutely. Imposter syndrome kicks in. Who cares what I have to say? Why would anyone listen? The truth is, maybe no one. But that’s not my problem. I don’t need permission to put words out into the world. If you’re here, you’ll take what works for you and leave the rest. That’s how it should be.
I grew up in a family that didn’t have much. Coming from a lower socio-economic background makes you want to live in the shadows, like you’re less than. That kind of upbringing chips away at confidence. So yeah, I still battle with the voice that asks, “Who the hell are you to think anyone cares?” But over time, I’ve learned that a lot of people feel the same way. We’re all unique snowflakes, sure, but plenty of us share the same patterns.
That’s who I write for. Not the gurus. Not the polished types. I write for the people like me. Keep what you like, ignore the rest. That’s the law of this jungle.